what happened?

I don't understand. I'm terribly confused.
I realize that I've never been very good at this game. I also realize that I tend to be paranoid. But I keep that to myself. So what is it? Am I being paranoid, or is something wrong here?
Things are different. I wished and wished for things that never came and I see these things slowly slipping further and further away. But grabbing for them will be no use. It will be worse that way. And now I just don't know what to do.